Ghost in the City

The bar wasn’t the same japanese themed bar I had watched the Violent Hemorrhage play at last time. It was actually more like a dive bar.

Jeez. Were they struggling to get gigs or something?

I shrugged it off as I found a place to park and just settled in. Alice drove slow so I had time, which is of course when I recognized a very familiar Caliburn in the lot.

Smirking, I got out and headed over, to see Malcolm trying to play up his coolness by leaning against his car as some of the club goers were standing around checking out the expensive car.

I decided not to interrupt as he was definitely flirting with a girl right now.

Good luck Malcolm. I mentally offered him as I turned around.

I knew Hiromi would be here, with everyone as well, but it was still embarrassing to have all my chooms show up.

Felt like some weird school recital where your parents appeared.

I shook off the odd thought and instead decided to start unpacking.

“Hey! Motoko.” A voice I recognized called out as I grabbed my guitar out of the trunk.

“Hey Jared.” I greeted the other band mate. The guy was decked out in Rockerboy gear, his hair flashing in a pulse with his heartbeat and sticking up in a mohawk.

“You got your stuff?”

“Got it.” I offered as I hauled the Orphean out of the trunk along with my amp and gear.

“Preem. Come on, I’ll show you our space.” He offered and I nodded following after as he led me to the back of the bar and through an employee only door that was propped open.

Inside was a back room that was messy and covered in old Brosef bottles and a few Rockerboy types sitting around.

“Let’s get the gear checked, we’re on in thirty.” He explained and led me over to where the other member of Violent Hemorrhage was sitting next to his gear. His drums mostly put together and just waiting to be transported out onto the stage.

“Hey kid.”

“Klein.” I greeted back and he flashed me a smile, that was that. Now just time to wait for the big show…

I plopped my amp down and then put my guitar in my lap. I had played with the Deluze through the week to get a feel for it, and I couldn’t complain. She sounded preem compared to my off the shelf guitar I had bought back at the start of my musical grind.

Hilarious that I hadn’t even thought about upgrading. Maybe that was why I was so willing to go along with this…

Yep. That was it, definitely no other reason.

—--

“Next up is Violent Hemorrhage!” The club owner called out, and the lights went on, showing us to the club.

It was a dive bar. Probably slightly up scale from the Red Dirt bar I had played in before, but this certainly wasn’t a high end joint.

But that all went out of my mind when Alice sauntered up to the mic.

“Our first song! Bloody Cry!” She roared out and a few of the crowd cheered.

I shrugged and as the drums began, I looked down to the guitar in my hands and breathed in and out. Cold suffused my veins.

And I played. The song was scop. Repetitive noise, and shitty screams interspersed with Alice trying to sound sensual.

It honestly reminded me of what Evanescence would sound like if it was written by an idiot, and performed with someone that only knew how to sing through autotune.

But I wasn’t thinking right that minute. I was just playing, letting the song rumble through the Orphean strings.

It wasn’t any real effort to play, so I played, doing everything I could to keep my face away from the crowd as I just played.

It was practically effortless, the songs were simple, and with my chrome arms I could have played the songs forever without getting tired.

There just was nothing to it. But despite how nice it might be, it was also boring.

Repetitive music with no real soul.

And then after a half dozen songs it was over.

Alice cheered towards the crowd who clapped, Hiromi and my chooms most of all, but then it was just a casual walk off stage. Of course Rebecca was howling the loudest. Good old Rebecca, always quick to be the loudest supporter in the room.

But unlike when I played the Red Dirt, I just felt… Kinda bored.

Where was all the excitement? The Anxiety, the tension of playing music in front of people. I wasn’t even embarrassed, just… Bland.

“You did great!” Alice cheered towards us as we fell off the back stage and into the back room dropping the start of our equipment down in a pile. “We can do this without Carmen!”

“Do what without me? Play shit dives for the rest of your life?” A voice interrupted and I looked over and narrowed my eyes…

Yep I had no idea who that was.

“Carmen.” Alice hissed.

Well now I had a name… Had we met before? I ignored the back and forth just focusing on my head. I remember the name I think. Wasn’t he at Denny’s place the first time? The one that was being scoped out by some music guy or something…

I shrugged. Whatever, I focused back around me on the argument taking place.

“And you pull some bitch to take over guitar? C’mon! Don’t think I didn’t notice the girl playing my guitar as well!”

“You fucking left it after breaking it, don’t blame us for giving it away.”

“Whatever. I don’t need that scop anyways! Simon hooks me up with everything I need, and Tessa is with me!” He yelled out, and Jared I noticed looked ready to throw some hands but just looked away in the end.

Ah. Drama. This is what I didn’t want to deal with.

“Hey! I don’t know you lot, but unless you want to get up on stage and play, get out of here!” A much older guy came around the corner calling out glaring at the stand off between former bandmates.

I shrugged. Set was over, my gig was done. That was… Way less fun than I had kinda secretly hoped it would be? Sure, I still felt the butterflies up on stage, but even if I would never admit it, partially even to myself, it had been fun to get up on stage and sing my heart out.

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Violent Hemorrhage just didn’t quite reach what I was looking for.

“Pfft as if I’d play some shitty dive bar like this! Get a fucking clue!” Carmen threw a finger at the bar owner who looked pissed at the response.

“Oh get that arrogance out of here Carmen, even if you held a set here, you’d be booed off the stage before you made it to your third song! You’re a hack!” Alice cussed loudly, suddenly getting close to the bigger guy.

Shit. Was I gonna have to flatline this guy? I didn’t really want to, but Jun liked Alice. Ugh. Nah, looks like she was alright, Jared, and Klein were both standing beside Alice looking pissed.

Cool they’d take care of it, and so I turned around to pick up my stuff and get out of here. Hiromi and everyone were probably wai-

“Please. I just listened to your shit set, you still can’t sing. You still can’t play the drums, and that new bitch can’t play the guitar!”

“The fuck you say?” I asked, hissing as I turned back around.

Carmen, this Rocker Boy wannabe turned from Alice and gave me a once over up and down.

“Get lost kid. The adults are talking.”

Huh. I pushed down on the urge to simply flatline this gonk and go home to a nice nap.

I considered instead how to best roast some stupid corpo wannabe rockerboy…

“Go back to your studio and sing a song for Mr. Studd Ads or whatever it is you do. The real musicians are here.” The words came out of my throat raw and cold. Exactly how I wanted them.

From the way his jaw dropped, and even Alice turned to look at me in surprise…

Well it hurt my feelings when it happened, I can completely imagine how much of a burn it would be.

“You little bitch!”

“Yeah yeah, whatever loser. Go back to your corpo ads.” I shooed him away with a silver hand waving for him to go.

“Whoa!” One of the boys he’d walked in with grabbed him as he made a motion at me, and I almost wished he had missed. I’d have loved to take this guy apart.

Calling me a kid… Just because I was.

Asshole.

“Fuck you bitch!”

“I guess I hit the mark then. When is your Mr. Studd jingle coming out?” I asked, and Alice snorted, unable to hold it in.

Carmen stopped fighting against his boy and instead shifted, doing something I didn’t expect.

He opened up his jacket and showed off an ostentatious Malorian in his jacket.

It took about three seconds as he was trying to show off how cool he was to disable it. “Wow. I’m so scared. Like. Totally.” I told him flatly, just begging for him to pull on me.

It’d make the bullet that would go through his head super satisfying.

But then something happened I hadn’t exactly planned.

“Hey! Drop the threats or I’ll take out the trash.” A thick voice called out, and one of the security guards for the club stepped around. The guy was an animal, with arms wider than Carmen's torso and he looked ready to prove that fact.

“Fuck off rent a bitch. I’m not the bottom scop wannabes you deal with.” He said flipping off the animal that only raised an eyebrow and waited, obviously the guy was used to drunk assholes. He looked at me but then turned to Alice and the others. “That’s right. I almost forgot, but you’re all nothings. Playing dirt holes and worthless trash heaps. You’re nothing, and will never be anything but nothing.”

“Fuck you!” Alice shouted rising up but her bandmates held her back. “You stepped on our backs to get where you are! You’re the fucking wannabe!”

“Please I have a career and eddies, and no one is coming to listen to your Violent Regurgitation.” Damn, if it wasn’t the asshole saying that I’d be tempted to snort. That was kinda funny.

Carmen turned and brushed past the idiots that followed him around as he left. Well that was that.

“Fucker!” Alice hissed, turning to kick at an amp knocking it over.

“Hey, kick your own amp.” Klein muttered, but it sounded like he didn’t have his heart in it.

I just stood there, watching this crappy band splinter apart even more. On one hand, I didn’t really care. On the other, for the reason the band splintered because of that asshole?

It kinda pissed me off. Ugh, this stupid shit.This is why I didn’t want to deal with bands and people and stages!

I looked towards the stage, the empty stage and the sound of people outside. There wasn’t another act tonight. That’s how shitty this fucking dive bar was. It wasn’t even that late. The owner would just put on a radio station or something for the rest of the night.

The sigh that left me was full bodied, what a disappointing night after the excitement of my first gig. Was this what it would really be like? Playing shitting songs without emotion or care?

“Alright well… It was a nice… Night.” I said looking at Alice who wasn’t quite crying, but was obviously emotional.

“Yeah.” She offered a bit weakly, but to my surprise Jared gave me a legit nod.

“Thanks for coming out. Think about that offer, we’d be happy to play with you again.”

“Yeah.” I said in a similar tone to Alice because that probably wasn’t going to happen, this hadn’t exactly filled me with happy fun feelings.

I went to grab my kit, my guitar in one hand and my Amp in the other hefting both up without issue when I suddenly heard something that left me with a full body shudder of absolute horror.

The radio had turned onto the stage. I turned slowly wanting to stare in horror because… That was me.

“I feel stupid! And Contagious! Here we are now!” Smells Like Teen Spirit came out, then shifting into the final bits of the song and to my even worse horror. People seemed to like it, but it was ending and so most didn’t show any attention.

“I gotta get out of here.” I muttered, shuddering in horror, but then I heard it.

“Motokoooo! Encore! Whooo!” Hiromi screamed at the top of her lungs from inside the club as the song ended, and…

My eyes flashed.

I hacked into the system and turned it the fuck off. No more radio, and then because fuck it, I spun and tossed my Amp onto the stage. It squealed as it went rolling across the way and suddenly the club went quiet as it stopped at just the right spot.

My music box joined it a moment later sliding out to stop just as it tapped the side of the Amp.

The whole confusion was obvious and I could see the club owner coming out from behind the back wondering what the fuck was going on, but I moved stepping out onto the stage.

There were no bright lights, although it was bright enough. I could see the crowd clearly as I stepped out, Cool, the only thing keeping my face from heating up as I walked up to the microphone still there on stage.

As I passed my Music Box woke up, and even as the lights above me dimmed a little, as I hacked in, and took control, it started sending out the holograms on the stage.

“The fuck?” I heard the owner say as I walked up and stopped at the mic.

“If you all are going to be forced to listen to my songs, since I’m here, at least you’ll listen to them live. This is Smells Like Teen Spirit.” I spoke using my most sexy of sexy voice to mask my own anxiety.

The tinny chords echoed out over the room, as I started and I could see Hiromi lighting up like Christmas came early as Malcolm and Ichi both inside now perked up, while Rebecca looked up from a drink in absolute surprise.

I had a brief moment to wonder how Malcolms flirting had gone before I started singing.

It was easy. Almost absurdly so, to get back into the rhythm, the feelings these songs gave me, like sliding into well worn jeans, and I shared that emotion with every note.

Teen angst, something I was well aware of considering I’ve gotten to experience it twice now, and so the sound of Nirvana through my throat and guitar echoed out, and the club partied.

This was a rock club after all. What dive bar wouldn’t get into a rendition of Smells Like Teen Spirit?

I hadn’t planned on doing a solo act tonight, but dammit if I wasn’t going to do it! It was less embarrassing to hearing my own song playing at a club I was currently at on the radio… Probably.

“A Deniaaaaal!” I finished, and even as the crowd cheered for the song the next on the set list was already queued up and going.

And so I sang. Rise went well, as I put myself into the song. That desire to rise, to grow to be more than what I was!

“Push through hell, and! RIISE!” I sang letting my voice fry letting that desperation in.

I took a moment pause after finishing, I was sweating, the room was hot, and I’d been playing now for a while. Hiromi as always was there and tossed up a bottle of water for me just like she had last time.

I took a moment to drink before pouring some over my hair and tossing it away, along with my jacket a moment later.

“This Ffffire!” I called out, and then started jamming out giving the intro riff my all really flourishing it as I reached the vocals and crooned out the lyrics.

The frantic energy of the song ending had the club go quiet before once again I got the excitement and cheering from the crowd, but I didn’t start the next song, instead I brought the mic in, and said something I really needed to say.

“This next song is going out to all those wannabe asshole Rockerboys that give in, that become corporate stooges, those that end up serving, ‘The Pretender!’ I said, and started playing again.

I played with all my rage when it came to the aggressive sections. Really throwing my all into it, because fuck Carmen and all those like him! Fuck Dick ads, and asshole old washed up crusty fucking has been Rockerboys!

Fuck them all!

I had to stop and cool off for a second to put myself in a different mindset for Let you Down.

But I took a breath and breathed out arctic and then started playing Sasha’s Song.

When I finished I stood there before the crowd. I was tired, and my throat was tired. Yeah that had probably been a little brash…

At least I got the feelings out.

“That’s the set for tonight.” I rumbled into the mic feeling much calmer.

“Encore!” Hiromi screamed wildly from her position and to my surprise there were more than a few shouts for the same. It spread until more people were calling for more.

Fuck.

I blinked, staring across the groups of people. This was a dive bar, there was no sea, and it wasn’t even that packed…

“Motoko! Encoooore!” Rebecca shouted standing on top of a chair and waving her arms.

Jeez that girl.

“You guys want more?” I asked, and the crowd of people shouted back that they indeed wanted more.

“Well, I have a few other songs, but I’m not sure what’s really ready to play…” I trailed off but Hiromi shouted.

“Something new!” I rolled my eyes at her shout and just considered it. Something new huh?

What hadn’t I showed Hiromi? Would could I play without any real accompaniment, and what could I do with just a guitar. Acoustic cover?

Well, I did know of one Acoustic cover, and Dave Grohl was one of my favorites.

“Alright, This is something new, bit slower paced since I don’t have a full set for it. It’s called… Everlong.”

A soft few chords shifted into a gentle repeated pattern.

“Hello, I’ve waited here for you… Everlong.” I crooned softly, which was actually nice because I didn’t have to strain my throat anymore and just sank into that familiar song.

It was… A love song, of sorts, and so I crooned to the room of rockers and partiers. A love song not just to a person, but to the loss of love.

Despite being a chill song, I played my heart out. Trying to let every ounce of emotion drip through my lungs onto my tongue.

“The only thing I’ll ever ask of you, you got to promise not to stop when I say when.”

And then it was over. I breathed out and took a moment as I took off my guitar wiping a hand through my sweaty hair. I lifted it into the air.

“My name is Motoko, and this isn’t the last you heard of me!” I called out, not arrogantly, but angrily. Because fuck this music culture!

But the people reacted in a way I probably should have expected.

They cheered.