Chapter 185: kill myself
Back inside the room, Avey sat in silence, the weight of Lucian's words crashing over her like a relentless tide. Her tears flowed freely, unchecked, her body trembling as if the very core of her being had shattered.
Did he really say that?
Her wide, unblinking eyes stared at the ceiling, her thoughts circling endlessly around the words that had cut through her like a knife.
"Yes, I hate you…for what you've done to me."
Her lips quivered, mouthing the words silently to herself as if trying to make sense of them. Her breath hitched, her chest heaving as the phrase echoed over and over in her mind.
Hate me? He hates me?
The realization hit her like a punch to the gut. Her fingers clenched weakly at her sides, trembling, as if holding onto the last thread of her composure.
Why? Why would he react like this?
Avey's voice cracked in the silence of the room, barely above a whisper. "Does he really think… I was using him? That I… I would ever…"Her throat tightened, cutting her words short as the lump in her chest threatened to choke her.
Her mind raced, the fragments of the confrontation replaying in vivid detail. Was he thinking I used him as a shield?
She shook her head weakly, her tears spilling faster, dripping onto her trembling hands."No," she murmured, her voice trembling. "I would never… never use him like that."
Her gaze drifted to the corner of the room, distant and unfocused. The walls around her felt like they were closing in, suffocating her with the weight of the misunderstanding.
"I didn't mean it like that,"she whispered hoarsely, her voice barely audible."I would never use him. I just…"
Avey's hands clutched at her chest as her sobs grew louder, raw and broken. "I said it because… I wanted him to know. To show him." Her breath hitched. "I wanted the whole world to know I'm his. That I'll go to any lengths for him."
Her voice cracked with emotion, her tears streaming faster. "Even if it meant ruining myself in front of everyone. Even if it meant saying… something like that. Can't he see? Can't he understand?"
Her words became a desperate plea to the empty room"I just wanted to protect what's left of us. To make him see that my feelings aren't a lie." She swallowed hard, her gaze falling to her trembling hands."But instead… he thinks I betrayed him."
Her shoulders slumped against the wall, her body folding in on itself as if the weight of her anguish was too much to bear. Her voice cracked as she whispered to herself, "He doesn't trust me. Not even a little."
The realization tore through her, leaving her hollow. She tilted her head back, her eyes searching the ceiling as if it held the answers to the endless questions clawing at her heart.
"I thought…I thought he would see what I was trying to do. That I was willing to give up everything, even my dignity, for him."Her voice quivered as fresh tears spilled over"But he… he only saw it as manipulation."
Her sobs quieted, her tears slowing as a numbing emptiness crept over her.She let her head fall back against the wall with a soft thud, her hollow gaze fixed on the ceiling.
"If he hates me…"she whispered, her voice barely audible,"then what's the point of anything anymore?"
Her breathing slowed, her body slumping further against the wall.The words echoed in her mind like a cruel mantra, stabbing at her heart with every repetition.
Lucian hates me.
Lucian hates me.
Lucian hates me.
Her lips moved soundlessly, repeating the phrase over and over, as if trying to convince herself of the impossible.
Her hand trembled as she raised it to wipe at her tear-streaked face, but the motion was weak, as if all her strength had left her."What's the point," she murmured again, her voice faint.
The emptiness inside her grew heavier, an all-encompassing void"There's nothing left,"she whispered, her eyes unfocused"Not without him. Not if he hates me."
She sank lower, her body folding into itself as if to protect the fragile remnants of her heart. The room seemed darker now, colder, as her silent tears continued to fall.
Her breath came in uneven bursts as she glanced at the door, as if expecting Lucian to walk in and tell her it was all a mistakeMaybe he'll come back...maybe he'll explain.But deep down, Avey knew he wouldn't.She knew there was no going back from those words, no undoing the damage that had been done.
She slid down the wall, her back pressing against it, her body crumpling into the floor as the weight of her own thoughts suffocated her.
Lucian hated her.
The words echoed in her mind like a hollow, empty drumbeat. Over and over again.
She closed her eyes, the tears flowing freely, but it didn't help. Nothing helped. Nothing could undo the damage. Her hands clutched at her sides, her fingers digging into the fabric of her dress as she silently begged for the pain to stop.But the ache inside her only grew stronger, sharper.
Her breath slowed, and the tears didn't stop, not even when her voice cracked one last time, almost a whisper. "Why can't you trust me?"
Avey opened her eyes slowly, staring at the ceiling above, her gaze unfocused, her expression hollow.
"Why can't you just trust me?"she murmured again, as if the words might make a difference, as if her pain might make him see. But there was no answer.There was only the oppressive silence, pressing down on her like a weight she could no longer carry.
And in that silence,Avey felt the last of her strength slip away.
"Should I kill myself? What's the point of this second chance…if he hates me?"
The weight of her despair settled like a suffocating blanket, her tears having dried but her spirit utterly broken.Her chest rose and fell unevenly, her breath catching every now and then as if her body itself resisted her existence.
Outside
Lucian leaned back against the closed door, his head tilted downward, the cool wood pressing against his back.The tension in his shoulders weighed heavily as if the air itself had turned against him.
Thud.
The sound of the door closing behind him echoed faintly in the empty hallway.His footsteps were slow, unsteady, as though each step drained a bit more of his energy.
Sigh.
"Was I too harsh, Max?"Lucian muttered, his voice barely audible, as if the question wasn't meant for anyone but himself.
Max, the voice in his head and his only companion in moments like these, responded after a brief pause.
[You didn't do anything wrong, Host. Well… except for that lie at the end. But even that, I assume, was necessary.]
Your journey continues with empire
Lucian exhaled deeply, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "Necessary… yeah. Maybe. I just thought" He hesitated. "Maybe it'll help her stop.Maybe she'll finally see what's good for the both of us.But honestly?I don't know what's gotten into her lately."
His voice trailed off, uncertainty settling in his tone.
Step, step.
The echo of his footsteps filled the silence as he continued walking, his head still bowed.
"Let's just go home,"he murmured to himself. "I'm sure I'll have a hard enough time dealing with things there too…"
Interrupted
"Mr. Kane."
The voice wasn't loud, but it carried authority. It stopped Lucian in his tracks. He slowly looked up, his tired eyes meeting the figures of Antonio and Melody Starline.
Antonio's expression was rigid, his sharp eyes studying Lucian like he was a puzzle to be solved. Beside him, Melody wore a softer expression, though her gaze still carried a weight that made Lucian shift uncomfortably.
Lucian sighed internally. Of course. I should've seen this coming.
"Yes, sir?"he replied politely,his tone measured but tired.
Antonio's voice was firm, controlled, but with an edge of frustration."Come with me. There's something important we need to discuss."
Lucian glanced at them briefly, his jaw tightening.He nodded silently, following as they led him.
What might it be this time? Lucian thought, sighing as he walked behind Antonio and Miss Melody, following them to wherever they were leading him.
I really don't want to go back home... The thought of his mother and Rose bombarding him with questions made him dread it even more.
Wait, fuck. Celestia might just kill me. A shiver ran down Lucian's back as the thought of her crossed his mind.
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