Rose Blumen ~ Exogignesthai 1

(Rose)

I dreamt of another world.

Hidden from sight. Beautiful, peaceful.

Where we could live free.

Free... I have had the time with Blume to grasp that freedom is not a noun.

It's an adjective. Like the colours of the world, it is essentially everywhere you want to look at, with different shades of liberty, varying.

Still, I enjoy so much freedom. I keep some of my moral and cultural restraints, but not many things outside of me are enforcing behaviours that potentially infringe some of my freedom.

Freedom to go wherever I please and do essentially whatever I want.

Freedom to act. Freedom to love.

Drunk, Bleue was about to say something else.

It keeps bugging me.

I missed something.

And now I'm almost dying.

I hear the sounds of the sea. Waves after waves against a shore. I can't breathe.

I feel water moving inside my throat as I try to breathe. I cough. My body aches, spasms and move. I can't see a thing, but I can feel the sunlight.

I see then blurry spots when I focus.

I stand up, shaking and dizzy. I'm washed on shore.

My head hurts. I don't remember clearly who I am or what I'm doing here right now.

It gradually comes back as if I was slowly waking up.

I search for Bleue on this beach.

It's the first thing to do.

I find her body after a while. I drag her slowly out of the water. My sight is getting slowly better.

I sit next to her, looking closer at her, trying to figure out if she's still alive.

My heartbeat is mad anyway, from apprehension about what I'll see when my eyes finally can focus properly.

I see her white clammy face. She had open wounds that do not seem to bleed on her forehead.

Her right shoulder is...

I swallow painfully as I see the butchery the right arm and shoulder have become.

I can see some bones. But more worryingly, the flesh isn't bleeding...

She's already exsanguinated... I begin to tear up as I realise it.

I begin to cry over her.

~

I cry, unable to think about time, or anything else but my loss.

Something cold touches my hand and makes me twitch.

I see Bleue touching my hand and have a moment of panic. I scream.

Her eyes are partially open. She's moving slightly her lips.

I think she's whispering my name...

I overcome my horror and fear, and get a hold of her.

I rip my clothes off to bandage what's left of her.

R - Don't try to move. I won't let you die.

B - I saved you...

I don't remember, but it matters less than saving her now.

Her face is swollen and pale, but I think I saw something evocating a proud smile.

~

I did the most and best I could, taking her to the dry land, getting her dry and warm.

Since none of her open wounds was bleeding anymore, she actually wasn't in immediate danger because of them.

She didn't bleed out entirely. Her wounds were awful, but the blood vessels coagulated rapidly I think. I'm not sure. I don't really care right now.

I set fire to a patch of grass and woods without a care, just to warm her.

I found some of our affairs washed ashore on the beach. Not much, but some cans of food are always welcome.

I make soup out of them to feed her.

Bleue is awake maybe two hours per days now. I try to have her drink at that time. She can't move yet.

She can't talk much for now, but repeats one thing each and every time.

B - I love you...

R - I love you too. Come on drink up. There's no need to act like Blume saying you love me all day long.

B - ...

~

We spend a week there. I gathered most of our belongings and what else I could find around in an abandoned house.

Bleue is sitting against a chair of logs I made, next to a fire pit to warm her up.

I spill most of the soup over her, each time I try to feed her, as I try to make her drink from a makeshift cup. She coughs. When I step back, she leans slightly her face forward.

Some of her wounds still sweat a little blood or plasma, so I keep changing her bandages and doing the laundry of the previous one.

B - Rose...

R - I'm sorry, it seems hard for you to drink...

B - If I were about to die, would you grant me my last wish?

R - I don't like the idea... But I probably would.

B - I... No. We are, cowards... I'm sorry I have to resort to that... But I... It's too painful...

R - ...?

B - Please kiss me... goodnight.

I feel a shiver.

I notice she's about to fall asleep. I get closer to kiss her forehead goodnight, on the side of a large cut, but she mutters a no.

Her eyes are piercing mine.

She's fighting back.

B - I don't feel like I can be certain I will ever wake up again... I want you to kiss me Rose.

I step back with muddy feelings creeping inside me. My heart aches. I briefly remember the dark Blue saying something similar.

I briefly remember the worst pain imaginable, and death.

My own death.

I'm covered in cold sweat, and I look terrified.

Bleue is breathing with pain, and looking saddened by my reaction. She's tearing up.

B - I'm sorry... I don't want to...

To die. To lose me. To fear death without me.

I think she's not really trying to tease me like Blume would.

Bleue is feeling worse than I in this world.

I swallow my murky feelings and torturous memories as I get closer. I feel awful in more ways than one but I go press my lips against hers for a second or two.

As I step back I see that she passed out.

I brush my eyes from the tears swelling up, feeling painfully confused.

Then I return to cleaning her bandages and any other task that will help keeping her alive.

I unwrap her damaged right arm. I take care of all her wounds with all the care and love I have to offer.

Of course I love you...

I kiss her forehead goodnight.

~